Our latest wheeze is to start experimenting on the weeds growing in our garden. I said to Dad that as a veggie it seems a bit mean to torment the poor plants by using them in our cruel experiments, but he just laughed manically and started rattling his chains together. He didn't calm down until I started playing some soothing tunes on his new Theremin.

There are a number of good reasons to experiment with Woad:

1. Lots of opportunities for bad jokes - eg this'll be the woad to wuin etc. This is obviously the main reason for doing this experiment.
2. We have lots of it growing in the garden to make blue dye out of.
3. We can make a huge stink with it as it needs ammonia, and there will be a big mess of blue everywhere.
4. The best ammonia for woad comes from alcohol mixed with the best human source of ammonia (cough cough ahem ahem). Dad's really looking forward to that part of it.
5. We can cover our bodies in blue and run around naked pretending we are Ancient Britons charging in to battle. I'm really looking forward to this part of it.